black-to-blank.blogspot.com

Sry for not updating for so so long...

My life started off with a very warm charming family. Since young till now( I Guess ) my parents had always been by my side. Very supportive and sporting. I never needed to care about things other than myself, so that makes me kindda selfish.

The selfish me never once had enough. Request after request, I never learned to say Enough. I have always done things on my own way and never once I succeed in accomplishing what I started because I never listen.

Then this wise men of my world told me stories after stories, guides after guides and words after words. He told me not to follow but pick up what I need in life so that i would not make a mistake and be rash on certain things.

That's is when he thought me to become a listener. Thanks to him I'm able to understand and react according. Not to say he made me perfect but he guided me the right way.

I was never forced in to things that I do not like not being pushed around. Yet with all this freedom I did nothing for myself except making him feel upset for me. I always disappoint him. Makes me useless.

Now that this great man is gone from this world. I started to realise that it was tough for me to let go. Outside which is my core looks like I'm carefree, but deep down my heart I'm tearing apart.

Its too early for me to enter adult life. Its to early for me to lose him. I still needed someone to guide me through my youth and see me become a man. I wanted you always by my side saying boy, you make me proud. I always wanted that compliment.

Comes to now that you're gone, my life would be a tougher road to walk. I will be jealous that people have a dad still and I'm just with a mum. I'm sad to see her cry and it shatters my heart but i have to put on a tough face, like everything gonna be alright.

But in the end, I teared alone behind her back. Going through adult life at this age its just to early.

BUT I'LL GIVE IT MY VERY BEST. To make my family comfortable.

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This time of my life is the toughest time even happened. Such Big Impact in Losing a Father and Such Painful Lost of Love.

So my life now is literally screwed up with no goal and no target. And I'm focusing on something else other than what I'm doing... procrastination